Me and My Friends
by Norma Jean the Dancing Machine
Summary: A series of one-shots. Annie reflects on select memories of people she thinks are the closest things she has to friends.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Do not own. Credit to Suzanne Collins. Title from Kevin Devine.

"**Me and my friends, we don't encourage discipline."**

I didn't think we were friends.

I don't think we were friends.

I don't know what to think of her really.

He talked about her after every Games. He laughed every time he recounted something funny she said. He talked about how jealous the Capitol women were jealous of her long hair. He laughed even more when she cut into a short, spiky style to scare more people away. He said she was the closest thing to a friend he had at the Capitol. He stopped talking when he saw my emotionless face signaling I stopped responding to what he was saying. He didn't know this was my way of feeling envy.

He tried to make me feel better about her. He believed that one day we all could be friends. That one day we could visit each other as we pleased. We could laugh and remember the good stuff, the things we wanted to remember. He was sure even I would remember only the pleasant things, even if at night I was surrounded of memories of a faraway arena.

I would never believe in a million years that we are friends. However, that does not explain a note from my brother saying that she called (again) and that she was coming to District 4 tomorrow.

Of all the things that baffle me, Johanna Mason will always be top of the list. The rebellion has been over for a few years now. In those days after, we all attempted to find the "new normal." I was sent back to District 4 with an aide. Plutarch had told me there was new hospital was being built here, and Katniss' mother was going to help out. I felt grateful because Finnick had mentioned her mother was a healer, and perhaps I could trust her with the birth of our child. I did not realize I had another person looking after me.

I had only seen Johanna briefly during our stay at Thirteen. When I saw her again before the execution she looked like a shadow. I could not look at for long because it reminded me of our captivity at the Capitol. I hurt to look at her like that. I knew she was not a broken soul like me, but something stronger. That time though, she looked like she had seen a different hell and was trying to overcome it. She seemed to struggle to breathe almost.

We were sitting in a room, us and a few other victors, when she grabbed my hand. I was in a trance looking at the mahogany table and dreaming of Finnick. Her gesture took me by surprise. Johanna is never affectionate. At least; not that I had seen until that point.

"Annie, look at me." Her voice was shaky, but I knew she was trying to be stern. I heard her say my name a few more times until I looked at her bloodshot brown eyes.

"Finnick gave me a letter. He told me…he told me things he was afraid to tell you before he left." she said shakily. With a free hand she grabbed a torn piece of paper out of her pocket. On it was Finnick's handwriting with Johanna's name scribbled. She handed it to me to read. I stared at the letter for a bit. In a few minutes, her patience began to wear thin. She opened the letter and put it on the table to read.

"Just read it!" she semi-shouted. I did not notice if Enobaria or Beetee looked our way. I did not care. I only looked at her and watched her swallow. She was shaking slightly and it began to dawn on me that this was probably tough on her too. His death and whatever he had asked her was hurting her. With that knowledge, I let go of her and pressed my fingers along the letter, smoothing the edges. I put my head down and began to read the words Finnick had written to his best friend.

Dear Johanna,

If you reading this, I'm sorry because you will never see my handsome face again. I know how dreadful that will be. Alright kidding aside, I need your help. If I don't come back I need to you to help me. I need to you to help me protect Annie. She needs someone. Don't let Coin take back her word on letting you or Annie be granted immunity. As for how other things go, try to hide Annie. Don't let the Capitol get her again. They will ruin her. But I can't think like that. We will win, but I don't know the cost. I've given my soul for this country and I am willing to let it take my life if it means freedom for Annie. Please, Johanna I beg of you. See to it she gets back to District 4. See to it her brother takes care of her. Will you stay with a few days to help her get settled again? Sometimes she needs reminding what is real and what is not. Do that. Please always tell her that my love was real. Tell her my love is real. Don't let her know how alone she is. Make your presence known. She knows even if it doesn't seem like it. So if you could please, visit every so often? And maybe call her? Not every day, just often enough. I know she will be home one day. I just want her to know she has a friend looking after her, even if it can't be me. To calm her down always remind her nothing will get her. Make her drink tea. Rub her back sometimes. I know you'll hate doing it. It calms her down most of the time. Whatever it takes; please Johanna do this for me.

Your friend,

Finnick J. Odair

I don't remember how many times I read the words. I felt like I read them for hours on end. I was unsure of what they meant. Had Finnick known he was going to die? And why did he trust Johanna so much? Why? Why were all these things happening? I put both hands to my ears and covered them. I heard Johanna shhing me as the tears began. I did not even realize I was crying until she coaxed back into sitting right.

"He knew I'm good on my word." She said rubbing my back. She had started awkwardly patting me until she started making small circles on my back in an attempt to hush me. It was oddly beginning to make me feel calmer, though I was not sure if I felt calm.

I did not know what to feel. So instead I said what was on my mind.

"I'm pregnant."

Johanna's hand stopped on my back. I heard her intake of breath and the unsteady exhale.

"You are?" she asked in disbelief. In truth, I was not sure. I was sleeping more than usual. This would seem uncommon for me as I usually was up all hours of the night. Now I slept for ages. I was also several days late. I remember in school, years before my Reaping, girls talking about silly things like that and what it meant. I knew what it meant. I knew I was at least two weeks late. Though I had not seen anyone yet, something about me felt different. Somehow, I knew I was. I looked at Johanna's horrified expression and nodded. She bit her lip and smirked at me.

"Then I guess I have my work cut out for." She said simply. After that more victors shuffled in. Haymitch first, followed shortly by Peeta. Katniss came last and we held the vote for the next Hunger Games.

The details after that vote are fuzzy. I knew Katniss had down something drastic. No one told me much until months later when she was home. I knew Peeta had lingered for a while before making his way back to Twelve. But Johanna stayed with me. We both went to the hospital to get our final check-ups. My pregnancy was confirmed. Johanna was with me when the doctor told me. She smiled and told me to name it after her.

And I did. Well, sort of. I had a little boy all those months later. Johanna was there with me throughout the whole birth. When he opened his eyes I could see Finnick's green eyes. He stared up at me the way I used to look up to Finnick. Strangely enough, it comforted me. It felt as though I really did have a part of Finnick back. I looked at Johanna and told her his name.

Jonah. It was Finnick's middle name. It also sounded a bit like Johanna too. Who knows. Maybe it doesn't. Johanna liked it enough. I liked it enough. I know Finnick would have been thrilled. He would love anything to do with Jonah. As I sit now by the window remembering, I see him playing on the floor. I am not sad right now. The things I long for I cannot have, but I have what I need when I see my son. Knowing this fact, I smile for the first time in a few days.

"Jonah," I call. "Aunt Jojo is coming tomorrow." At the sound of "Aunt Jojo" he perks up and runs toward me squealing. He loves her. I can tell she tries hard to be pleasant around him. I know she enjoys him as I always catch her smiling at him or sneaking him toys. He softens her up. I think she likes that he does that. Even if she won't admit it.

I keep smiling as I cradle my little boy in my arms. I tell him about Johanna's visit tomorrow. He tells me all the fun things we can do with her. He asks about his father about when he will visit. I tell him again how loved he is. I tell him how much his father loved him. I tell him how much his father loved me. I tell him about how much his father loved her. I tell him how he loved all of us. I tell him how much he still loves us.

I tell him he will never be alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Do not own. Credit to Suzanne Collins. Title from Kevin Devine.

"**Go be my ghost and I'll go be yours"**

The thing about him is that he always caught me by surprise. There was something about him from start. It had to have been his Games the first time I saw him. There was something about his face that I trusted. He looked too gentle to be the arena

. He looked too innocent. He looked like a child.

I had looked like a child.

I had looked innocent.

I was innocent.

He is innocent.

Me.

Him.

For some reason, he is the one I reflect the most on. True, I think of Finnick every time I see our son, and I dream of him every night. But my straying thoughts, the ones that catch me way off guard, are about someone else. They are about Peeta Mellark. Even think his name sounds gentle. Even when I was most afraid of him I thought something would bring him back. I knew he wouldn't stay frightening forever. He is just so, so,

I don't know a word for him. I've always been in awe of him. During his Games, when I couldn't to bear to look, Finnick would update me. He told me how Peeta was in love with the girl from his district. He knew he was trying to save her. Finnick wrapped me in his arms and told me he would do the same. I knew then that this Peeta was special. He was willing do something to save the girl on fire. He was willing to do what Finnick would do for me.

Funny how a boy with the bread loved the girl on fire. People said that she had burned him, but I wasn't sure. When the Quarter Quell came, I was spared. I forced myself to watch. It killed me each time a new horror came across the screen but I forced myself. I had to see it. Finnick was there, my Finnick. But Peeta was there too, and Katniss. I saw Peeta get thrown and it appeared he died and I began to shake. I didn't want to look, but I saw Finnick save Peeta. Then I saw the look on Katniss' face. She didn't want to hurt him. Maybe she did love him back. I could tell she didn't want to hurt Finnick, and for that I was grateful.

I replay this memory at least once a day. I don't know why. It's something about knowing if we lost Peeta, everything would be lost. I never realized that until recently. I had thought about it so often, and I never knew why it stuck out to me. He just had this impact on me from that moment on. So even when I was afraid of him, I thought about it. What he was couldn't be real. It couldn't be real, it just couldn't. Finnick even said he thought Peeta was just hurt for a bit, and that one day maybe he would be better. But Finnick doesn't know all the things that happened. I'm not even sure what happened to Peeta. It must have been worse to make him so angry now. So that is why I try to remember him on the beach. I remember him dying, then waking. I remember watching Katniss cry which made me realize how special this boy was. It made me realize maybe he was the best out of all of us.

But sometimes when I reflect on this memory, I am reminded of another moment. It was when I was growing afraid of him. It was when I began to lose hope that innocent face was only a mask. I was beginning to worry he was not as innocent as I wanted him to be. I was frightened. I was terrified of what could have happened to this boy. I knew I wanted to see him.

I saw him after the wedding. It was the day after I found out he made my cake. It was the day after Johanna joked that they knew each other's screams. I hated that. I hated that I now had faces to the screams I heard. I had heard a boy screaming at night when they finally left me alone. I guess that was him. I guess that was Johanna screaming too. I hated that she reminded me of those times. I thought I would be able to get past that. Maybe not soon, but someday. I thought that now that I was with Finnick, and that we were married, things would start falling in to place. I had enough reminding of what I saw, and what I heard. I did not want or need Johanna Mason reminding me. But she did. Now I wanted to talk to someone who had suffered so much, but was able to create something so beautiful for me.

Finnick said he had training and with a kiss he went off. It had not been an easy night for me. I tossed and turned with of memories of the Capitol. When I did sleep, I dreamt of meeting with Peeta. Sometimes he was calm in my dreams, sometimes he was anything but. As I made my way to his ward, I became nervous at what reaction I would get. I was stopped by a few guards. They seemed nervous that a girl with wild hair and sunken eyes was looking for another broken soul. They shouldn't be. They seem to have him under lock and key. I'm not sure what kind of threat they see me as. If they even see me as anything but mad, little girl.

I came to his room and I waited for a guard to press the code and let me in. Peeta sat on his rackety bed. He was hunched over his crossed legs, I think he was painting something. I noticed that he had a restraint on his arm. At this moment though, he looked like he didn't need them. He looked calm. He was looking so intently at whatever he was painting. I began to feel foolish standing there. I wanted to leave him in peace, not drive him to pieces.

"Peeta, there's someone here for you." One of the guards says finally. He didn't look up immediately, but when, he did his eyes met mine. He seemed to be searching my face for something. He didn't seem angry to see me. He didn't seem any kind of emotion.

"Hello Annie, what can I do for you?" he murmured. He folded his hands and continued looking at me. I bit my lip. I felt nervous now. I wished I had told Finnick I was here. He would be able to thank Peeta better than I could, even if their last exchange wasn't completely friendly. I tried not to think of their awkward exchange when we left lunch yesterday. It reminded me of too much. At this point I realized I had been standing here for a bit and not said anything. When he gathered my silence he spoke again.

"I'm happy I made that cake for you. It wasn't my best work, but I hoped you liked it."

It was an odd sentence to start with. He said it directly like he wanted to move the conversation along. But he sounded honest. He sounded like he was glad to have helped us. I believed him. I believed that he wanted to give us something special.

"Thank you Peeta. I am so, very. I mean really grateful." I stuttered out. I was getting more nervous now, and I wasn't sure why. He didn't seem angered or bothered by my presence. I just didn't feel right with him yet. I felt like maybe he was good person still. But something about him seemed so dark. I think that's why I was nervous. I did want to thank him. I really did. I also wanted to see his face. I wanted to see the kind look in his eyes when I first saw him on television last year. When he looked at me it was not cold, it was not judging. He just seemed empty. He seemed almost as though he expected to see me today and he was satisfied to see he was correct, not satisfied to talk with me. I wanted to talk though.

"What are you doing?" I blurted out, asking the first boring thing I could think of.

"Painting one of the bowls from my breakfast. They had some paints left over, and I got special permission. They thought it would prevent me hurting someone" he said bluntly.

"Can I see it?"

He nodded and held up the cup. I saw he painted vines with bright flowers along them. I didn't know what kind they were.

"What kind of flowers are they?" I asked. I didn't even know if they were real.

"Their called evening primrose. It grows along the meadows in District Twelve" He answered quietly. He put the bowl down sharply against his leg. He didn't seem to notice.

Primrose. Primrose. I knew that name. Did I know that name? I tried to match up a face to it. When I realized it was Katniss' sister I smiled. I don't know why but I smiled. Finnick told me how much Peeta loved Katniss. I had seen how much Peeta loved Katniss.

Had loved

Loves

Still loves.

Why else would he be painting a flower called primrose? He created other beautiful flowers for my wedding. He could have picked anything else. He had to be thinking of Katniss right now. Obsessing over her in some way. I understood. I had done similar things in my life. He picked a flower he could associate with her in a non-threatening way. A flower that because it was her sister's namesake could be associated with her. If he thought about her while he did something that he loved, maybe it would make him happy. Maybe it would give him something pleasant to associate her with.

"What are you thinking about?" he said loudly. His voice was even, but he searched my face for an answer. I couldn't fully snap out of my daze, but I answered him.

"Katniss. I'm thinking about Katniss." I said absentmindedly.

I regretted it almost as soon as I said it. I expected to hear him leap from the bed and strangle me as I heard he strangled her. I had my eyes closed and waited for the blow.

"I'm not angry Annie." He said, sounding almost bored. "I'm thinking about her too. I think about her every day, pretty much all day."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. He looked defeated. He looked very old in that moment.

"I don't know what to think of her. I don't know what to believe. " He continued, picking up the bowl and beginning to paint again. I pondered what he said for a few seconds. "I mean let's face it. She's not here right now, is she?" He stopped again and looked up at me waiting for me response. I didn't know what to say so I just shook my head.

"Exactly. But you are." He added softly, almost as an afterthought.

"I wanted to thank you." I said. I had told him that didn't I? He chuckled after I said that and shook his head.

"I think you wanted to see for yourself what I was like." He asked. He didn't sound accusing. He didn't even sound angry. I wondered if they gave him sedatives before I came. He only sounded defeated, and maybe a bit curious at my random appearance. I was speechless again before him, so I nodded.

"Maybe I was curious. I'm sorry. I'll just leave. I didn't want to cause you any trouble!" I began to turn around but he called out for me. I was getting scared now, and I let out a nervous laugh. Turning around and facing him I saw his faint smile.

"I remember your Games Annie." I brought my hands to cover my mouth. I felt as though I would scream. He didn't seem to notice and he kept talking. "I know they call you crazy. May be you are. Maybe we all are. The point is, now I'm the one on lockdown. People watch my every move like I'm going to crack." He sighed. "I'm sorry Annie."

I shook my head again, trying to register what he said.

"I don't know what you mean. Why?" I asked.

"Because you were the mad girl. No one saw the real you. No one but Finnick treated you as a real person. Look at me now. No one talks to me. Not really. Delly comes and goes. I think Plutarch has her trying to convince me that Katniss isn't all bad. I don't know anymore. It's just nice to see a friend. I just hope it's real" He ended simply. He looked sad now. I understood better than anyone what he was feeling. Most days I wasn't sure what was real or what wasn't. I needed someone to remind me. I needed a friend, and now Peeta needed a friend. I promised I would be there for him, and we would help each other.

I don't remember what we talked about for the remainder of the visit. I think it was mainly about general topics on my wedding. When I left, I felt reassured. I felt I had caught a glimpse of the innocent boy I had seen before. I had a shred of hope again he would come back.

Now its years later. Every now and then I hear from Peeta. Sometimes it's a letter. Sometimes it's a phone call. Many of the times Katniss will be there and we'll talk. I always appreciate the two of them asking about me, and Jonah, and asking whether I will ever want to see the hills of District Twelve. I know they care. I know Peeta cares. Even when the light seemed the dimmest in his eyes, I knew he was still down there somewhere. Even when it seemed he was at his worst, I saw the light in him.

I saw it in him because we were the same. We are the same. We have our quiet strength that saved us, but we have so much more than that.

We have our friends and each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Do not own. Credit to Suzanne Collins. Title from Kevin Devine.

Thanks

What I knew about her was that she was the things I never was. She looks after other instead of being watched. She is brave. She has a fire in her. I heard before that in life, there is two halves of every soul. Each person makes up a half of soul. I wonder if she is my other half. She is everything I cannot be. She is everything she cannot allow herself to become.

She is the Mockingjay.

And I am bird that forgot how to fly years ago.

I'm nervous around her. I'm nervous because she looks like a young girl but she is capable of such wild things. I'm not sure how old she is, but she definitely is a few years younger than me. She seems unintimidating but she is so powerful. I'm intimidating too, or so Finnick says. That's only so because people are afraid of what I could do. Though not because I'm strong or persuasive. Mainly they are scared of what I can do to myself, not to them. I am defenseless to everyone. Everyone thinks that.

I'm sure Katniss Everdeen thinks that.

I was sure at least.

I think she was a little scared of me. I'd be afraid to get to know me. My tangled hair and wide eyes were enough to draw anyone away. Everyone's heard stories about me at this point. Everyone knows I can sit and stare at next to nothing for hours. They know I need to block out the noise around me because it just gets so…overwhelming. But no one knows what it feels like to be me. But it doesn't matter. No one could see past that except Finnick.

I remember when I first came to District Thirteen. We had been rescued, Johanna, Peeta, and I. There was group of men that came down the halls near our cells and picked our locks. I could hear them whisper urgent things to each other.

"Annie Cresta! Is that you? Annie get up we have to move fast!" I heard some half-whisper half shout in my direction. I tall boy with dark hair and alert grey eyes reached out a hand to me. "Come on!" he offered again. I grabbed his hand we took off. I saw a few other boys. They looked determined but something seemed to be scaring them. The most official one looked at me and frowned slightly.

"She's the only one conscious so far. The girl was already unconscious when we found her and the boy needed a sedative to calm down."

Boy? Girl? Who were they talking about? Who were these people? I didn't have time to think. They grabbed my arms and forced me into a sprint towards an exit I never had seen. Once outside I saw the hovercraft. The boy with dark hair still had a strong grip on my hand and hurried me aboard. He sat me down and belted me into my seat. I started to take sharp intakes of breath. My chest was hurting from nights of crying myself to sleep. It felt like daggers when I was forced to run just now. And I was frightened, I was just so frightened. I pulled my hand free and covered my ears and began to cry. More people were scurrying around me. I heard frantic boys talking about the girl and her condition. I didn't know if they meant me. I didn't care. The boy with dark hair patted my shoulder.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. We're here to help you. We're getting you back to Finnick. We're bringing you to Finnick Odair. He's in Thirteen." The boy said quickly. "We're all from Thirteen. You're safe. Fnnick's safe." He added.

Finnick? He was safe? I perked my head up when I heard this. Did this boy say he was from Thirteen? _District Thirteen_? That couldn't be possible. It was destroyed. How would Finnick get there and why? That's all I could think as why. I didn't understand this. Who were these people? How did they know about Finnick and me? They couldn't be Capitol folks, no way could they be. They were dressed in dark grey uniforms it appeared. Most of them looked like they trained for something like this. Except the boy with dark hair. He seemed different. H must have noticed me looking at his face because he smiled.

"You must have plenty questions." he said with a smile. I couldn't even nod my assent. But he began to tell me stories. He told me he was from District Twelve. He had to evacuate because the district was bombed. It was because he was from the same district as Katniss Everdeen. He voice was dull but he continued. Apparently there had been some kind of movement, a plan to get the tributes. Such tributes included Katniss, a fellow Twelve tribute, and my Finnick. It was mainly Katniss but all I cared was that people had worked to get Finnick out of the arena. I was grateful to these people now. I was still shocked at their surprise arrival. In the past few minutes the shock had settled but I couldn't believe I had been rescued. I couldn't believe I was out because of these people; these people that helped save Finnick. Did they save Finnick? This boy didn't say for sure, he just they tried to get him out. Panic overtook me.

"Finnick? Is he alright?" I begged. I looked for traces that something terrible happened. The boy only offered a small smile and took a hold of my hand again.

"He's fine, I swear. You'll see him soon enough." I nodded at his insistence and was even able to offer my own small smile. I was happy but I was impatient too.

"How long till I can see him?" I asked. He sighed and looked around the hovercraft.

"Well, we still have got away." He saw the disappointment in my eyes I'm sure because he nudged me and asked,

"Do you want to hear about District Thirteen? It's gotten a hell of a lot more interesting in the past few years." He grinned. For a second, he looked like Finnick. I looked at him more and nodded so he began. He talked about how he and Beetee from District Three were working on a few projects. He was sure the next thing they were going to build was going to be the thing to end the war. I couldn't really remember what exactly. He talked about someone named Coin and how she had a plan for the future and how things were going to be different and how it was going to change soon. I barely remember the details he told me except eh always landed back on the same thing. Everything he talked about, no matter what, he somehow mentioned Katniss. He talked mostly about how they used to hunt. They would talk about the future and she was always unsure that things would change. He laughed because she was the symbol of the rebellion. He said it ironic that she was the face of something she didn't believe in until recently. I wasn't sure. I could only focus on the tone of his voice, and how he seemed to be full of life when he mentioned her. He told me all sorts of things about her. He told me she always had a single braid down her back. He told me she sang sometimes and it always calmed him down. He told me she was funny but she rarely laughed.

_I can only imagine why._ I thought to myself. I wanted to hear more about this girl. His eyes gleamed whenever he described something wonderful she did. It was strange almost. We were sitting here in dark hovercraft, where I was freezing for the most part. I felt miserable and anxious but here this boy was. He was sitting and seemed the happiest he had ever been because he was talking about the girl he loved. I stared off and thought about this but then I asked him a question.

"What's your name?" I asked. Maybe he was expecting a question about her. I didn't want to ask about her anymore. There was name I was expecting to hear, but I knew it wasn't him. I knew they weren't the same person, this boy and the boy with the bread. He chuckled when I asked.

"Sorry, we didn't have much time for introductions. I'm Gale. " I nodded at him. I was curious about him. I wanted to know if Katniss loved him back. I thought back to the memory I always had of Peeta getting thrown by the force field. I thought about how she sobbed at his side once he was revived. She had feelings for him. Did she also love this boy? Could she love both of them at once? My head hurt. I was exhausted. I was still unsure of everything that was going on around me. These were complicated questions for me.

This was my first truly lasting memory of Katniss. I ignored everything I may have seen on television. I blocked out love stories Finnick had whispered to me about a the lovers from Twelve. I just thought of her as a desirable girl. She had Panem in the palm of her hand; She was the darling I never was. But I knew it wasn't real. I know what the Capitol does. I understand how they take someone and morph them into something to be bought and sold.

I understand something else to. I know what it's like to be in love. I know what it's like to light up when you talk about that one person. I don't know Gale, but I know that he has flames of his own for the girl on fire.

"You love her?" It sounded like a question. I had meant it to sound like a statement. I mean I was stating a fact wasn't I? It didn't really matter how I asked, I remember. Gale's face darkens and he looked past my face.

"We shouldn't, we shouldn't be talking about this." He said quietly. He looked to his left to see if anyone had picked up what I said. No one really seemed to be watching. I don't really recall anyone the hovercraft besides Gale and I., When he seemed satisfied that no one heard us talking. He cleared his throat and began again.

"You should try to sleep or something. We still have a bit till we get there. Try to relax," he offered a weak smile and tilted his head. Closing his eyes, he sighed again and I was left alone with these thoughts.

I thought about him.

I thought about her.

I thought of Finnick and everything I wanted to say to him. I wanted to ask him so many different things.

My reunion was perfect. It was perfect because I was with the one I love. I held him close to me and we were silent for a minute, just taking each other in. We were able to retreat quietly out and no one stopped us. And that is how the next few weeks went. I mainly stayed in my dormitory. Finnick stayed in mine at night. I heard he had gotten in trouble already for that but that didn't bother or stop him. It was perfect in those days, but my thoughts always drifted from him. I thought about Katniss. I hadn't seen her yet. I was curious to see her, to meet her, to put a face to the rebellion. Imagine my surprise when she offered to help me find a wedding gown. A wedding dress! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe any of it. Plutarch had approached us and asked if we wanted to be married and to use it as a propo. I only heard him say married. I didn't care how it was done. I did want the tradition of home, but it didn't matter I just wanted to be married. Finnick felt the same. He wanted to get married immediately. He was wanted it quietly done, with only ourselves and our tradition. He needed some convincing to have it filmed. In the end, Plutarch won over President Coin and began planning a three day affair. As he talked on and on about who would sing, and who would preside over the nuptials, he mentioned what we would wear. He didn't believe we should wear our drabby gray uniforms. That's when I saw her raise her hand.

"I still have dresses from the Victory Tour. I can take Annie to Twelve so she could pick something if she wants." She looked over at me. I couldn't tell what her face was. She looked strained, like she was trying really hard to be polite. She was being polite, I suppose. She looked mainly sad I think. I remember seeing her wondrous wedding dress that burst into flames. I wondered if she was thinking about that and it was making her sad. I must have been staring gain because I heard her say,

"Annie? Are you alright?" she sounded concerned. "You were just...um...not answering me. I thought something might have been wrong." She said awkwardly. I knew she thought I was crazy. Just like so many others. I didn't really know what to say to her. Besides thank you. It hit me that she was offering me a wedding dress.

"Thank you. It's very kind of you to offer…" I trailed off. She looked at me and offered another smile. It didn't look as strained. She didn't seem to notice I didn't finish my thought. I silently thanked her again. She nodded at me and spoke again.

"Well I was just asking when you wanted to go?" she asked, but I'm not sure how much the question was directed at me. She was looking over at Plutarch who was discussing things with Finnick. He looked at us and began to walk over. Smiling he asked Katniss when she wanted to leave.

"Whenever Annie want is fine." She gestured to me. I nodded.

"Now. Now is fine." I said nodding again.

And so we prepared to go. I kissed Finnick goodbye. Plutarch was taking him somewhere to get clothes altered. It seemed we were both getting our wedding garments today. Katniss asked me if I needed anything and I shook my head. Wait, yes. I did need something. Well, I didn't need it but I wanted to know why she offered to help me. She didn't even know me. She may have been friends with Finnick but she didn't owe me anything. Especially not since her own fiancé was absentee. I was unsure at the time what was happening, but I knew that things were not well with her and Peeta.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked shyly. I watched her stop walking and look back me. She looked at me with sad eyes. She seemed to be considering her answer. She didn't seem mad, but it was too intense. I gave a nervous giggle and hovered my shoulders. Her silence was making me more nervous.

"You deserve this Annie." She paused. I didn't know what more she wanted to say. I didn't what she wanted to say at all. She looked so hurt.

"Do you wish it was you?" I asked bluntly. Actually, I probably said even more bluntly then I imagined. She looked taken back. She bit her lip and nodded slightly.

"It's strange is all. I am happy for Finn, and for you. I look back at what's happened during this time and I'm happy something like a wedding can come from it." She answered looking down. "I wanted to help you guys. It's the most I could do. Your fiancé did save mine once. I do owe it to him."

Her face fell when she said "mine". She was thinking about him. She was going through something more personal than I thought. She was helping me have the wedding I never imagined despite all she was feeling. I don't know what she was feeling. She wouldn't tell me. I was just a mad girl. Maybe she told Finnick. But I know what she didn't need to tell me. She didn't need to tell me that she willing to help. Her actions proved that. She helped keep Finn sane. And I was grateful. I still grateful for all that she did. I could see she was hurting. I'm may not be able to get out of bed every day. I may not be able to hold a conversation. But I do know and understand emotions. I knew Katniss was broken about something. I just didn't know all what. I knew looking at her she was just the girl Gale told me about. She was strong, and able to rally people together, but she was still a girl. She had a loved Peeta, and maybe she loved Gale too. She had these emotions on top of everything else. My wedding was reminding her of all this. It was reminding her what she escaped, and whether she ever wanted it all.

"You loved someone didn't you?" I don't know why I said that. I am not even sure what someone I meant when I asked. I just needed an affirmation that she was capable of love. I knew she was I just needed to know it. I needed to see her say she had felt loved and not faked it. Her response was simple. She only nodded. She didn't say anything more. She didn't give any indication. I never asked again. Even as we sat on the hovercraft to Twelve, as I gave my nervous laugh looking at destruction. I never asked even these years later as she's married to Peeta. When we talk on the phone it's about Jonah and we carefully avoid the subject of any other kids. It makes me wonder, but I can never ask. She has given me so much. She has helped me so much that I cannot ask all the questions on my mind. I forget all the details from then to here. Our lives have been constructed so much. We have changed so much. I always will remember the destruction, and those that helped me get over it. I forget all the things Katniss have said to me to help me get out of shell and to feel normal again. I forget sometimes how broken she was, how we all were,

But I'll never forget that day where she forgot her broken wings and helped me fly.


End file.
